Newsletter - 8/21/22
Intro ~
Hi friends :) Yesterday was my last day working at Acne Studios. Wow. What proof that “giving up” something good makes space for something greater to come through. I will miss working in this neighborhood and chatting with everyone at Verve, Palace, and BYREDO on my lunch breaks <3 I will miss the fun chats will clients and just being in the store. I am so stoked about what I have learned working in this environment alongside the people I got to. I have no doubt in any cell in my being that I’m making the “wrong” choice. I just know that it is time to do my next thing - even though I don’t know what that is yet! Every time I leave a situation (work / dating scenario / home / literally anything ) that my intuition (God speaking through me / to me) is telling me to exit, and I listen, I am massively rewarded. So now I just leave, there is no need for me to suffer through “trying to figure it out” when I am endlessly supported. Anyway, more on this jumping into the unknown soon :)
Today’s topic of sacred boundaries is something that is a long time work in progress. I find that there is often an invitation to re-establish how we want to be loved / respected by the people we spend our time with. For me, work/life boundaries were easy whereas boundaries in friendships took so much more love and practice and courage. It takes two to tango, and I feel my heart so full of gratitude for my friends who are in this practice with me - you know who you are ;)
Sacred Boundaries ~
There are three things that changed how I communicate with everyone around me - 1. Reading the book Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Non-Violent Communication by Oren Jay Sofer, 2. Listening/watching to the interview with Terri Cole on the podcast Almost30, and 3. Having the pleasure and privilege to live with and be friends with the one and only Talia Gnessin.
When I started meditating, mindfulness became part of the core of my thoughts and actions. I built a foundation of making each moment an act of loving awareness, of meditation, because of Thich Nhat Hanh. When asked how often he would meditate, he would say all day aways, because each act of presence and mindfulness is an act of meditation.
“There is no need to run, strive, search or struggle. Just be. Just being in the moment in this place is the deepest practice of meditation. Most people cannot believe that just walking as if you have nowhere to go is enough.”
This book was introduced to me as a recommendation by one of my meditation teachers at MNDFL, sadly I don’t remember who as it may have just been on a shelf at the studio, but I found it to be incredibly helpful. It was so helpful because the book gives written examples of how to express your needs that you can practice saying. It taught me that I can leave space for mistakes to be made while learning how to ask for space or to share my needs, I’ll give an example: “What I want to share with you feels really vulnerable for me”, “What I want to share feels difficult for me to express, so I would just love your grace and patience while I work through sharing”. That gives the conversation so much more space for nuance, humanness, and acknowledges that the first time you try something new it may feel a little unnatural.
Listening to this podcast episode on Almost30 with Terri Cole honestly changed my life. Every woman that I send it to (except my mother lol) feels the same. She talks about boundaries within friendships, parent/child relationships, codependency, and touches on narcissist behavior. It is such a good listen, especially with a notebook. Just listen to it. Here are two personal examples of how this podcast has impacted my communication in relationships ~
With my parents and with friends it takes so much practice and love and grace. One day I was on the phone with my mom telling her how I was going to quit my job without anything stable lined up, which is probably a monthly call or something like it for the past few years, and she starts to express her concern about this plan. I cut her off and said “mom, I’m so sorry to cut you off and interrupt you, I really am, but I cannot have you doubting me. I create my own reality, and I love you so much and I’m so grateful that you are concerned about me, but if you put doubt in my mind that I am capable of something then that I will become my reality and that is not a reality I chose.” I apologized again for cutting her off, but she sat with it and came back to me later and we had a really beautiful conversation about the importance of that moment.
With friends, if a girlfriend is sharing something that she is going through / processing, I will always ask, “would you like me to just listen and hold space or would you like my advice?” And similarly, before I share something with a friend, I might ask “do you have capacity to hold space for me right now?” This gives my friend a beautiful moment to check in with themselves and think “wow, do I have the capacity to hold space for Gaby right now?” and they might say yes, or they might say, let me send this email and call you back in 5 minutes and then I would love to hold space for you. I love this mutual consent and respect, and at first it may feel awkward but it really is a beautiful practice because you can tune into what each other needs. If I am dating someone that a girlfriend thinks doesn’t deserve my love/energy/givingness, which she is probably right, and the thing is that we all need to honor our own journeys and timelines. Sometimes I’ll say “I want to share this with you, but I’m not open for feedback or advice or opinions about it right now /yet. I would really just love for you to listen”. When I listen to a friend and they are asking for advice, I want to empower them to make the best decisions for themselves.
On the other hand, if I do want advice from a friend, I will be VERY CLEAR about that. For example, interviewing for a job and asking for a salary that is higher than I feel comfortable with, I might call a girlfriend who has done that before and say “Hi, I love you. You’re so good at this type of thing. This is how I’m feeling, how would you handle/say it x way?”.
One of Talia’s super powers is communication. The way she can hold space for nuance and complexity, and listen, and name feelings and situations boldly and courageously and vulnerably never ceases to amaze me. I learn so much by being her friend, and I know her colleagues and partners do too.
Three things that changed how I communicate energetically with everyone around me are - 1. To Be Magnetic courses in self-worth, 2. practicing kundalini, and 3. protecting myself / asking my spiritual team for protection from anything that does not serve me for my Highest Good.
One way that I set boundaries first thing in the morning is when I sit down for meditation/prayer, and I ask my spiritual team and Archangel Michael to place a bubble of sparkly radiant light around me so that anything NOT in line with my highest good just bounces right off of me. This makes a huge difference in my day.
I want to get to the place where I walk into the room and my energy says “I will be treated sacredly”. I don’t need to say anything, it just is. The more I practice To Be Magnetic, honor myself and my worth, do the kundalini radiance kriya, and protect myself in the morning when I meditate, the less people fuck with me and the more I feel like I am living in a world that I create (which I do).
I know this is a lot of information today, and I’m excited to talk about it more on this week’s podcast episode. Learning and practicing conscious communication has radically changed my life, because I have taught people how to treat me. You got this!
with heaps of love and gratitude,
Gaby
~ thank you thank you thank you ~
* see you next week, sending you beams of Reiki love through the ethers from my heart to yours *
